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Go tie yourself to a tree and whip yourself to within an inch of your life!!!
Ooops! Sorry. I got caught up in the condemnation tone of your email.
Now that I have regained control of myself and read and re-read your email several times I'm really hard pressed to see where you blew it.
So you didn't know she didn't like spray bottles. I'm sure there are some other things you don't know about her as well. You are not omniscient, you cannot be expected to know EVERY little nuance about the horse. What if she didn't like gum poppers? Suppose some teeny-bopper started popping her gum near her. Is it your fault you didn't stop the popper? No.
The real point here is you and Fancy had an agreement. You were going to be the leader and she was going to be the follower.
Out came the spray bottle and the follower decided to break the agreement. You decided to go back and refresh the agreement. That's what leaders do.
Here is where you drifted off the track. You viewed the event as a major disaster rather than a minor distraction. Then you went at it trying to earn her trust rather than teaching her trust. Can you see the difference? One way you are hoping for her to learn it on her own, the other you are demonstrating how to achieve it. She can stumble a long time trying to figure it out on her own. This is the traditional way - make the right thing easy and make the wrong thing hard. Don't waste time with the wrong thing. Show the horse the right thing. In this case, "I am the leader, pay attention to me and I'll show you the right thing."
You said you sprayed everything imaginable as she stood on the opposite side of the pen. Did you imagine to spray HER?
When you first performed the bonder on her, what did you use to get her to move around the pen as you directed? A longe whip? Since the bonder gave you the results you wanted the first time and you felt the need to repeat the results, are you sure you performed the bonder with the same determination you had originally? Or were you blaming yourself for something she did?
Actually, the IDEAL way to deal with spray and bathing issues is to use the spray as your controller. "Go that way." (Spray the opposite end of the horse.) "Faster." (Spray back end.) "Slower." (Spray front end.) "Stop." Spray in front of the horse.) I act indifferently when I'm using the hose. I may spray the ground. I may spray the air. I may even spray the horse for a couple of laps. I may stop the horse using the spray and then continue to spray it as it stands there. I use the spray as my fancy strikes me, after all, I am the leader. All the time I'm acting like it is the most matter of fact thing in the world. I have even had horses walk head first into the stream as they come into me.
When a horse does not come into you like you want or refuses to follow you (1) it is because you are not presenting a clear enough mental picture to it, (2) you have not given it permission to do so by recognizing its request, (3) or it cannot physically do so by where you are - at its side, where it would have to move into your space, etc.
I don't think you have an unhappy, confused horse. I think the horse has an unhappy, confused owner. Give the horse clear signals and she will respond accordingly. All she is looking for is a sense of place. She just wants someone to be the leader. If you don't want the job, she'll take it. If you want the job, she'll accept it. The two of you will get along the best if you take the job since you have the most invested.
Do it again.